I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is my gift to your gina
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
