The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
