wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize