The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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