worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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