And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
