what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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