just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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