Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
