Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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