This is not my ceiling
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize