Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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