Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
