i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
