I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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