I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
