Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
