She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
