you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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