just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
