drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize