yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
