Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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