I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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