ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
