Umm I'm too high to move.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
