remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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