Dual....:-)
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
