Do you still have your period?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
