Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Im part way to drunk.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
