So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize