he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
