You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
