I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My vagina just clenched in fear
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
