I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
