Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
