We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
