I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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