my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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