she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
