omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
