i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
