I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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