I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
