how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
