I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
