All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
