Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize