Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize