How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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