nut hugger
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
