Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
