Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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