Apparently you make a good broom.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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