The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
