he puts the penis in happiness.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
