I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
