how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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