I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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