One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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