Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
