That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
