she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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