today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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