Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize