pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
