I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize