omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
