So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize