Umm I'm too high to move.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
