nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
