I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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