So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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