I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
